Book One - 2003

September 18th to October 5th Kid A meets Broadbent, Victorians, female in offline shock, BOGOF damnation, talking shop with Mr. Waitrose, amber alert!, red alert!, Colonel Abrams is trapped

October 7th to October 11th strange fears, Henry VIII's penchant for the New World, Forty-Five, SUPERBOWL ahoy!, La Grande Bouffe, speaking slowly about 1997s, transvestites from Transylvania, the corporeal blue nun

October 13th to November 6th "Teen Big Brother" memories of Emperor Qin Shi Huang, Moondarra time, Super Furry Animals, Henry VIII (Slight Return), darkness all around, UGC, foxy lady

November 10th to December 14th Michael Broadbent vs. Margaret Thatcher, a vigorous La Tache 1961, burying nan in sand, "It's Beaujolais Nouveau Day!", England victorious, a bevy of Unico, Russ Abbott and Gary Wilmott, the new wave twelves, Christmas sandwich day, Leigh-on-Sea Jingle Bells

December 15th to December 31st Deca and the Korova Milk Bar, mayhem with the libertines, Shaking Stevens with Lafleur '85, the capsizing of the Peter Boat, waking up with Lynx, Frank: the world's most stupid dog, intrafamilial gifts for our four-legged friends, Krakatoan piers, R&R at Glangrwyney Court, the only gay in the village, the resolutions