Book One: Chapter 27

Thursday 11th November

I am desperately trying to arrange a tête-à-tête with HRH Jancis, who is playing hard to get the little minx. Fortunately I have an unofficial doctorate in the wily ways of womenfolk and we eventually agree upon a rendezvous at the end of November. I cannot help but feel like the scrawny teenager who redefines futility thanks to his miserable track record of chasing ephemeral girls who vanish into thin air as soon as he asks them for a date. An example of this is the aforementioned femme fatale who won a medal at the Athens Olympics this year. At least she came straight to the point.
"Would you come to London Zoo with me?".
End of story. At least the penguins, aardvarks and tarantulas were spared the sight of an anguished, pubescent Lothario, whose knowledge of women had barely passed the sleevenotes, whose interaction with the opposite sex was mental rather than physical, fruitlessly trying to hold hands or rest a wandering arm across the nape of his victim.

Common thought is that boys learn about the opposite sex page by page, chapter by chapter. This is not true. We learn about ninety-five percent from the first sex-crazed harlot who teaches not just chapter one, but the whole manual in one unforgettable lesson. She is the one that your parents warned you against, the girl with the undesirable reputation...not like Jancis I must stress.

12th November - 29th November

This is the missing reel. Somehow the diary entries were erased, although a summary of the subjects dealt with exist in the main menu and I have listed this below. The mind boggles what I actual wrote and if I do locate the entries elsewhere, then be sure that they will appear.

HRH Jancis plays hard to get, "The Wily Ways of Women" - a brief guide to the opposite sex part 1, mental sales assistant at the perambulator emporium, Tomoko`s winter complexion, death on the North Circular, Joel`s endoskeleton, Chenobyl meltdown, Reine de Bois vs the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs, Yum Yum, excretions of bechemal, Wine-Journal: from caterpillar to butterfly, Bordeaux Olympics at La Trouvaille, thwarted Scottish sworddance, Kinky Afro, elephants & castles, Boots, ladies of equal pulchritude, the etiolation of Londoners, disco lights at Kings, flu report, watery pizza, Elysian fields outside Aberdeen, Graham Coxon, tiffs at dawn, the Marquis de Sade`s view of pregancy, ventriloquy of the unborn.