Book One - 2006

1st January-1st February New Years Day of frigging nothing; the 100-decibel sports shop; the 10ft decomposing limb; New Years resolutions; collective IQ of 3.5; Jaibi; a pile-up of babies; daylight cancelled; Burgundy '04 kicks off; House of Saint Barnabas; gourmandizing at BK; Wine Idol - he exists; the art-teacher in Battersea; sartorial trouble at the Travellers; camp-attack at the Sopexa Burgundy tasting; post-prandial Hucknall; Happy-Birthday Lily; oenotwat© ; thank-you SouthEast trains; heap of sleepy baby; faint pangs; to the Ridge we go; garlic infused with King Edward; burger ne plus ultra; Arctic Monkeys ahoy; Dear Mr. Sun; Ayers Rock in the Guildhall crypt, Whippersnappers

2nd February-13rd March We start packing crap; Lily packs up; Dame David Lean; G&T and Mike Read; it all goes wrong; depressed; dim sum relief, Sunday evening with the theremin and quartet of wolves; the stress of the 35mm film; closet-romantic; upsetting Japanese dudes; the socio-economic profile of South London playgrounds; Neal = Homer; the amelioration of vision; attack on the starboard bow; death: just a part of life;

2nd February-26th February the corruption of the French nation; Monfortino and chicken; lunching the pensioner at Pied-a-Terre; Cristal 90, hear my call; poor little rich girl; country gone to the dogs; House in the Clouds, orcas and crabs; poor Spanish tasting; eye-revitalizer; the plight of the red squirrel; blink and miss babyhood; the cause of my house-moving stress

27th February-1st April Heavy bottle of Rioja; continuing self-exile; Tomoko 17 yet again; Steven Spurrier moves me; Hubba Hubba boogies in the morning; Woods remarks upon the Firetrap; Lily ill; Munchies at Bath; Clos-des-Porrets '45; Jacques Thienpont, ou-etes vous?; nocturnally quarrelling neighbours; porcupines and bodily piercings; nan dies, childhood officially over; blow-up doll packed: let's go

2nd April-7th April En primeur 2006: death at the hands of the mechanical jaws of the bus; auxillaries pack up; meeting Johan Berglund; dinner at the Salamander; tasting, tasting, tasting - stress, stress, stress; life falls aparts; flakey croissants; confabulating with Corinne Metropolis; Gestapo-chic; pervy American guests; dinner at Palmer; Jacques Thienpont's laundry; Supervixens; home at last;

8th April-23rd May nan's funeral; Lily's quest for the Solent; life is crap; Mandarin and Peppa Pig; sole victory in a fug of Silk Cut; Michel has the sniffles; take a Bath; pea by pea; puddles of pea soup; Linden: will he ever be seen again?; HRH's cardboard box; Jayer and Don Giovanni; how come Noddy...?; back to Sven the Hippy's; the Joly sermon; vibrations in my pocket; wine-journal mark III; coche hats at the 59; THE END.