Book Two - 2009

May 23rd to June 30th Three long years, saris in Arrivals, Britain's Got Talent, curse of the dental hygienist, Leoville-Barton vertical, memories of the Natwest bank manager, Philip Schofield (but no Gordon the Gopher), Bandol in Marseille, Latour vertical in the greenhouse, Manchurian Banquet in Ealing, Milkshake Jen, Bordeaux 1999s, the worst hotel in Bordeaux, dinner at Ducru, enthronization of Emporer Neal, Sophie Marceau, lost camera.

July 1st to July 31st Waiting for the Trafalgar albatross, another tryst with the dental hygienist, Swine flu false alarm, no blur, Brighton bacchannal, Sven the Hippy (return), another definitive Italian encounter, dodgy bottle dinner, a faecal twist on Tchaikovsky, Ruby Wednesday, the Wicker Man in Overton, fairy workshop gives you wings, Sexcetera (you know you watch it), brown rice surplus, the chichi swing hammock, lunch with Bazza Philips, pee-pee and poo-poo, corrupted by spotify, etch-a-sketch, curry with siblings

August 1st to August 15th anorexic sardine, the two-year old Jezebel, trombones and monkeys, Talkin' All That Jazz, Sunday equestrianism, shortlisted, Devon ahoy!, fornicating pangolins at Little Chef, moonshine at the Normandy Arms, Becky Falls, the ups and downs of aquaria, Biodynamics Totness HQ, petulance from the ice-cream vendor, butterflies and otters and sea bass, the snake slide, the travesty of Blackpool Sands, OSHIKO!!!, OSHIKO 2!!!, OSHIKO 3!!!, vacations is theirs not ours.

August 16th to September 11th Crap (photo)shoot, the debasement of A-levels, aboard HMS Booze, to the land of lederhosen, the continuing perfection of Jennie Cho Lee MW, Ernie in the vineyard, Wille Schaeffer: nicest winemaker ever, Katherina Prum vs. wasp, Edelweiss and appegios, The Ealing Couple, the role of wine critics, BIG school!, the pursuit of headbands, The Louis-Roederer Awards (a travesty!), Le Gay and L'Eglise-Clinet, I could do that, giggling porn stars, Dany and the lost art of smoking

September 12th to October 1st Annoying Eurostar passenger, a lovely 1916 Claret, suntan exposure, naked arrogance, educational nothingness, the Wallace automaton, Clonakilla's a killer, plague of Sparkle stickers, crap mobile, in and out of Africa, ban the Internet!, attack of the Margot Fonteynes, dinner with the Dutch Mafia, Lynch Bages x 33, Ducru x 15, permanently stationed at The Ledbury, individually named raspberries

October 2nd to October 16th Jamie's Brilliantly Fantastic Best In the World Ever (Honest Guv) Cheesy Chips, a call from Mr. Opodo, Vitamin F, a plethora of Penfolds, nanoparticles will take over the world, Clos des Goisses tsunami, the croon of Richard Hawley, Jancis Flickrs, rolly-polly vicars, revenge at the top of the slide, driving test part VI, letter to Vista, from Madeira to Broadbent to GPL

October 17th to November 1st Peter Pan's Playground, running around in circles, yomp along to Old Leigh, Miguel Torres in da house, UGC 2007, oh shit, Vik's lasagna, a testicular tale, conger eel and chips?, Guildford library saps inspiration, domaine leroy, cosmetic strife, from aardvarks to, useless witches, Lady McBeth

November 2nd to November 5th Dry Furmints come beckoning, eye-patches and Kurt Russell, Climens & KFC, the promise of eternal companionship, bow-tie starboard at the Naval Club, mixing with the fedglings